Many people fantasise in lovemaking. Men sometimes need to fantasise in order to get an erection or in order to have a climax. Women may fantasise about certain situations with their partner.

Fantasies may range from the slightly out-of-the-ordinary to the downright bizarre. As with dreams, our imaginations can construct all kinds of scenarios to satisfy our erotic needs.

Male fantasy
Nancy Fridays’ book on male fantasy: Men in Love reveals a wide variety in erotic fantasies. While a small proportion of the male population act out their fantasies in the quiet of their homes or at fetish events, we can assume that a very much larger proposition of the male population acts out their fantasies in their heads.

Men should be reassured that having fantasies is a normal part of many peoples “secret” sex lives.

Women should be reassured that just because a man has a (secret?) fantasy when he makes love, he doesn’t love her or desire her any less. Girls, be careful of questioning your man on his fantasies, he may prefer to keep those to himself.

Female fantasy
Nancy Friday collected a wide variety of female fantasies in her books “Women on top “and “Forbidden Flowers”. Both books are a good read. Men may be surprised at the different types of fantasies women have. But fantasy is not reality, and just because a woman fantasises about a situation doesn’t mean she wants to enact it.

Should we reveal our fantasies to our partner?
It all rather depends. It’s quite possible for one partner to misunderstand the fantasy of the other. A man might fantasise about another woman, it doesn’t mean he wants to reveal that to his partner. If he tells her she may get jealous or angry. Her fantasies could make him feel inadequate or insecure, or possibly jealous.

However, telling your partner his or her favourite fantasy may add extra spice, especially if the story is whispered erotically during sexual foreplay or during sex.

Your fantasy may not turn your partner on
Beware of thinking that your fantasy has the same stimulating effect on your partner. One persons’ fantasy, however erotic and exciting to them personally may leave their partner absolutely stone cold. Be careful that you don’t misinterpret the “gift” of hearing your fantasy from your partners’ lips, as an indication that they too find this fantasy exciting, or even that they want to actually enact it.

Don’t reveal your extreme fantasies unless you’re really sure
Be careful about revealing too much, too soon. Take it gently and see your partners’ reaction to a mild fantasy before you consider revealing your darkest inner secret fantasies. If you reveal too much too early it could cause upset and what was meant to be an erotic discussion turns into a lovers quarrel!

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