Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…

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A five mile bridge linking Sweden with Denmark has attracted users for very different reasons to the original business case for its construction. Swedish men are paying the 30 Euro toll fee to drive to Copenhagen to meet prostitutes.

Eternal Love?
If the Oresund Bridge is the bridge for sex, the Bridge of Sighs in Venice is the bridge for love.  Local legend promises everlasting love for couples kissing there at sunset in a gondola. The “Bridge of Thighs” linking Sweden and Denmark promises “love”, but only briefly. 

Previously known more for its pastries than its tarts, Copenhagen has seen a doubling of prostitutes, as opening the bridge at its northern end has led to opening of thighs at its southern end.  The old tongue twister was “she sells seas shells on the sea shore” – perhaps “she sells sex spells on the sea shore” is more appropriate now.

Attitudes to prostitution vary
The two Scandinavian countries have very different attitudes to prostitution.  In Sweden men are targeted for prosecution rather than the women who ply their trade, resulting in summonses issued to offenders at the family home. 

Presumably husbands hurry home to open the post lest their wives get there first.  In Denmark love isn’t exactly free, but neither male or female partners are penalised for their participation in the worlds oldest profession, hence the attraction to Swedish men.

5.5 minutes is the average
So if love is eternal in Venice, how long does it last in Copenhagen?  Of course we’re talking about sex here, rather than love. Research in 2005 from the University of Utrecht, further south again in Belgium, showed that the average time spent making love across most of the world is around 5.5 minutes.  T

The longer lasting lovers (those with the Duracell batteries) lasted a little over 7 minutes. Not saying much is it?

Although Swedish Police use CCTV to trap and identify offenders, no similarly determined research has uncovered how long the average Swedish male spends in the arms of his local Danish dish.

Great Lovemaking skills
Great lovemaking is a skill taught nowhere, by nobody to no-one. 

Great lovers die taking their secrets with them (see my blog on Casanova and National Condom week), as there is nowhere to share their information, except in books.  And how many men read books?  All that changes with www.lovemakingforum.com  For the first time men can share information about lovemaking skills.  Do we expect Swedish men to visit the website rather than drive to Copenhagen? 

Probably not, though if they did visit the website first, perhaps they’d enjoy their visits south even more.  Who can say?
 

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Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…

It seems wild pandas have wild sex after all.  The BBC natural history unit filming “Wild China” has finally achieved footage of passionate pandas in their natural habitat. It appears that pandas in zoos don’t show this behaviour – though maybe that’s because they don’t like people looking…

These reclusive, peaceful creatures are transformed at mating times into aggressive demanding lovers. Like so many human males, the panda sits around all day eating food of negligible nutritional value, but at mating times is transformed into a wild, sexual beast.

Pandas at risk
The Panda was adopted by the World Wildlife Fund as their symbol of species at risk, narrowly beating the whale, which the WWF felt was less cuddly and appealing than a panda.

Pandas are at risk of extinction for a number of reasons including low population numbers, low breeding rates, destruction of habitat and the inability of pandas in captivity to breed (getting whales to breed in captivity would create an even bigger problem no doubt).

Animal extinction
There’s a remarkable book on extinct animals called “A Gap in Nature”, where a naturalist has combined with an artist to create beautiful pictures and descriptions of recently extinct animals, from endearing hopping mice to stunningly beautiful birds.
Animals do become extinct if they don’t breed successfully.  The aggressive sexual activities of the Giant Panda show that every species focuses exclusively on sex at one time or another.  Each species continually strives to create another generation.   

The many reasons why humans have sex
Sex fulfils many needs apart from procreation in human beings, yes it’s huge fun, but it’s also a way that a couple bond, declaring their love for one another.  Sex reassures, it provides comfort when we’re in distress or stressed.  When we’re reminded of our own mortality, perhaps by the death of someone we love, sex reminds us of the joy and bliss of mortal existence. 

But sex is also taboo, especially among men, where discussion about sexual techniques or, heaven forbid, improving as a lover, is strictly off-limits.  But shouldn’t we all be striving to become better aware of how we can become better lovers? 

For men, it’s more of a problem for women, both because of taboo and the lack of any male advice or input on the subject.  Men don’t share this information, well up until now, at least. Now there’s a new website on the subject.  Men who have skills in lovemaking are welcome to post that information anonymously on forums at www.lovemakingforum.com. 

We welcome male and female input advising men on how they can become the best lovers they can possibly be.

Giant Pandas also welcome… 

Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…
 

There was an interesting article on Tantric Sex in the Times on May 31st by the London Times Doctor in residence, Thomas Stuttaford, and Suzi Godson, a well known writer on all things sexual.

Tantric sex is a little like those signs you pass on the motorway to distant towns; places you’ve never visited and probably never will. 

People say they’re lovely, but somehow it seems like a long way to go, and is it worth the journey and what if you don’t like it when you get there?

The article was a little like that; Suzi made the journey with her husband to attend a course on Tantric sex, to see if it’s a place worth visiting.

There are some really interesting books about Tantric sex and some really dreadful, pretentious ones. 

No doubt there are really interesting courses about Tantric sex and some equally dreadful ones, too.  Unfortunately Suzi chose one of the latter rather than one of the former. 

The inescapable conclusion from her article was the course was pretty dire, but that left the questions about Tantric Sex unanswered.  What is it all about and, really, can we be bothered anyway?

A good book on Tantric Sex

Let’s start with a good book about the subject; my recommendation by the way is Tantric Secrets by Cassandra Lorius.  There’s stuff in there that I’m sure everyone would agree with; that sex is a giving, loving thing, for example. We should think about our partners’ needs rather than our own. 

We shouldn’t rush, but instead take our time and enjoy the moment with the person we love. We should view sex as a pleasure oriented activity and not performance related. Three cheers for that. 

Tantra and visualisations

But isn’t Tantric Sex full of wacky religious stuff? I hear you cry. Yes, there are religious overtones and lots of visualisations, for example that you and your lover are connected by waves of energy entering and re-emerging from your bodies at seven separate points called “chakras”.  Now if Tantric sex were a Railway Line I’d be looking to get off at the next station and run for the exit.

Visualisations are fine, in fact many top sportspeople visualise their next action whether that’s jumping, running, throwing, kicking or hitting (sounds like a Friday night fight at the pub doesn’t it?).  Visualisations do help us attain higher performance.  But do we need that in sex? That really depends on what we as an individuals and as a couple want out of sex.

Someone may want an urgent release of pent up sexual tension – masturbation may come in handy here.  Sometimes we want a quick kiss and cuddle, perhaps one climax and off to sleep, if it’s a working day tomorrow. And sometimes, on a Sunday morning, a couple have all the time in the world to indulge themselves with loving, giving sex.  Tantric Sex isn’t really the thing for a release from tension or a quick cuddle. 

Make time in your life to make love

So the jury’s out on Tantric sex.  Certainly in the busy, hectic lives we have nowadays, we often don’t make time for relaxed, sensual sex, and that’s a pity.  Tantra perhaps has something to offer us there. Certainly there’s the message “Make time in your life to make love”.  There’s only one life (like this at least), so shouldn’t we spend some of our spare time making love to the one we love?

Let’s improve

And shouldn’t we seek to improve as well? We set ourselves all sorts of goals in life – to be a better manager, salesman, teacher or whatever.  We take courses in technology or management skills. For the dedicated sportspeople amongst us we book a session with a golf coach, a tennis coach, a badminton coach or whatever sporting endeavour where we seek to improve. In most areas of our lives there are coaches to advise us on “how to do it better”. 

But a sex coach? Could the Tantric Sex coaches be the first of a new breed? Well, there’s a thought…

Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…

If any of you are wondering where condoms originated and how they’ve been used through the ages…Ive done a little research. It seems that the condom has been in use since the time of the Ancient Egyptians, at least going back to 1000 BC.

Syphilis

It was the Syphilis epidemic across Europe in the 1500s that gave rise to the popularity of the condom, Gabrielle Fallopius claiming the invention, though it was made of linen rather than rubber.

Rubber had yet to be invented. Initially the idea of condoms was to prevent catching Syphilis rather than preventing pregnancy.

Syphilis is a particularly nasty STD going through three stages, the final stage characterised by a rotting brain, gradual descent into insanity and a slow lingering death. Overdosing on TV Soaps and take-away pizza can have a similar effect.

The first spermicide

Meanwhile, returning to condoms in the late 1500s, someone had the brilliant idea of soaking linen condoms in chemicals and allowing them to dry. As an additional barrier to unwanted pregnancy, this was the first example of a form of spermicide. In the 1700s animal intestines started to be used, the famous (or infamous) Casanova used to blow into them to entertain his women beforehand; proving that boys will be boys even back then.

Casanova’s "Riding coats"

Sheeps intestines were the material of choice, the caeca (the blind pouch at the beginning of the large intestine) being steeped in water scraped and washed. There was even a superfine version which were scented, stretched on a mould and polished. Casanova referred to his condoms as English Riding Coats while the English referred to them as French Letters. Syphilis was similarly attributed to other nations, the English referring to it as The French Pox while the French called it The English Disease.

Rubber and Latex

Vulcanisation (referring to the creation of rubber rather than the planet where Spock originated in Star Trek) was invented in the mid 1800s, and rubber condoms became widely available in the 1870s. Latex was introduced as the material of choice in the 1920s.

Over the next 10 years condom sales rocketed. So now we have the current day, and interestingly life has turned full circle for the condom. Today, people think of the condom primarily as a device to prevent STDs, its original purpose in mediaeval and ancient Egyptian times, rather than a protection against pregnancy. Greater sexual freedom, openness and availability of condoms means that any man or woman should not be ashamed to carry one, although they should be ashamed to blow them up for entertainment like Casanova.

Asking your partner

The only challenge for some people is the slight embarrassment of asking their prospective partner about a condom especially on the first date. Its an observation that most people dont ask for what theyd like in life – whether thats asking for our money back when were unhappy, asking for a better seat in a restaurant, or a lady asking a new partner to wear a condom. There should be no embarrassment in asking.

Casanova’s secret on seducing women

Remember the apocryphal story of Casanova on his death bed? Casanova lies dying, and a young man rushes in to see him. He sits by the bed and leans forward to the dying man…

"Casanova, Casanova" he says "Tell me your secret. How did you persuade thirteen hundred women to sleep with you?"

"Fifteen hundred" whispers Casanova

"OK fifteen hundred" says the young man "How did you persuade fifteen hundred women to sleep with you?"

Casanova beckons the young man closer and whispers in his ear

"I asked them" …

The secrets of the worlds great male lovers have all too sadly died with them. That is about to change: www.lovemakingforum.com launched May 2008

Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…

So, International Brazilian centre forward Ronaldo has failed to score with three local Brazilian prostitutes that he picked up after dropping off his girlfriend.

The free scoring AC Milan striker, who normally shoots on sight, was not amused at the sight of the three ladies once he’d booked them all into a hotel. They turned out to be men.

Same side as Ronaldo, just wearing different colours 

Unfortunately they’d sold him a dummy with their graceful and revealing feminine clothes, and he hadn’t noticed their more masculine charms until it was too late. Perhaps they’d lined up holding their groins, like a defensive wall at a free kick, and it was only when he tried to shoot that he noticed the tell-tale signs. Ronaldo, who has been accused of time wasting in matches, wasted no time in this particular mismatch and demanded his money back. Unfortunately the guys didn’t want to play ball, and suggested a much higher sum should be exchanged or they’d blow the whistle on him.

No referee available

Such a foul manoeuvre would normally have Ronaldo dropping to the ground, feigning injury and appealing to the referee. However there was no referee available so Ronaldo called the police to say he’s been the victim of extortion (and presumably Trades Descriptions as well). So how does that leave us thinking about men who play away? While no-one complains at Ronaldos wickedly deceived free kicks his wickedly deceived girlfriend might not be so happy.

It meant nothing……

The normal response that any man has to being caught in-flagrante (and how interesting that that’s an Italian term – with Ronaldo playing in Italy) is that the man tells his girl “It meant nothing to me”. Men seem to think that this should appease the woman. Surely all she wants to know is that her man has feelings for her and no other. So, the man has convinced himself (though not necessarily her) that it’s OK for him to shag someone else as long as there are no feelings involved.

A game of  two halves

But isn’t that a two edged sword, or perhaps a game of two halves? After all, how about if his girlfriend picked up three men, went to a hotel room and shagged them all and then said to Ronaldo “It meant nothing”. Would he accept that or would he show her the red card? More to the point - will she show the red card to him? Looks like an early bath - alone - for Ronaldo.

 Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex…

It’s not all good news when you’re a great lover. One of my recent seminars was interrupted by the arrival of a previous attendee. Let’s call him Mike.

The sex seminars I run, incidentally, are all about unleashing the potential of men to be great lovers and unleashing the orgasmic potential of women… Mike, who is among other things, a pub doorman / bouncer, announced that the technique I lecture on (The EROS Technique) should have a warning printed on it.

The problem for him was that since he started using the technique on his new girlfriend she was so won over that she wanted to marry him!

He said he’s only known her a few weeks and now she was texting and calling him all the time. He told the other guys in the workshop that she kept dragging him into bed, while he would wrestle himself away from her saying “No, I’ve got to go to work!” As a confirmed bachelor, the idea of marriage clearly appalled him. His visit to the work shop was to warn other men attending that the EROS Technique also had a downside.

It’s a perspective I hadn’t considered: Can a man be TOO good in bed? What’s your view? I’d love to hear.

Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex …

A leading article in the Sunday Times today reports that:

“for many women Viagra has merely highlighted the incompetence of their lovers”

What a fascinating and somewhat disturbing comment on the sexual skills of many men today.

At a time where there is more information than ever before, freely available over the internet and in magazines, it still seems that many men are sadly lacking communication and sensual skills in lovemaking.

For most women, foreplay, both sexual and non-sexual is a critical part of their arousal path so they can reach an orgasmic plateau of excitement. Men tend to think that thrusting is the only way to give a woman an orgasm, whereas thrusting is only one of many “orgasmic triggers” that trip a woman into orgasm or multiple orgasms.

Viagra only works on men, providing mechanical “coupling” assistance only. It is not actually for couples and doesn’t make men into good lovers.

For many women, it has merely highlighted the incompetence of their lovers. More crucially, it has laid bare a female secret that many men never knew.

Penetrative sex does not necessarily give women the best orgasms – and, depending on which study you read, anything from a third to 52% of women never have orgasms in this way. The Viagra revolution has proved that although super-charged erections do a great deal for the self-esteem of men, for women they often create a trail of disaster. According to a study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, half the men prescribed Viagra don’t go back for more.

Sex Comment and Humour Blog. An entertaining slant on the amusing, lurid and sometimes ridiculous side of sex …

Research by the University of Wales has suggested that more than half of British women prefer chocolate to sex.

It’s known that chocolate releases the same “feel good “chemicals into the blood as sex. These endorphins as they’re known scientifically, produce a natural high, and you get that high from sex, physical exercise and chocolate.

So, for the British woman,
why is chocolate better than sex with a man…?

Possible answers include:
1. Chocolate never disappoints
2. You can see how big the chocolate bar is before you take the wrapping off
3. While men and chocolate both disappear afterwards at least the chocolate doesn’t make empty promises to phone you
4. The bar of chocolate will keep it a secret
5. You don’t have to take your clothes off to eat chocolate
6. You can always have a second bar of chocolate and the first bar won’t get jealous
7. The bar of chocolate only makes a small mess
8. You get to choose white, brown or black chocolate (or all three!) and no-one bats an eyelid
9. You can make a bar of chocolate last the whole evening
10. You just know where you are with a bar of chocolate

But why is sex better?
Well the endorphin blast is bigger with sex, and you can have multiple orgasms with a man, and while you can have multiple bars of chocolate the impact on your body shape is quite different. 10 or 15 orgasms (or more) in an hour with a yummy man makes a woman feel fantastic, while 10 or 15 bars of chocolate on a regular basis will take you from a size 12 to a size 18 faster than it takes to say “70% cocoa”.

Let’s face it, chocolate puts on weight while a multiple orgasm not only burns those calories but leaves the woman with a multiple high from all those endorphins.

But how can you guarantee to have a multiple orgasm (or even one)? Well it all depends on the man. I run work shops at AMORA in London, UK on how any man can be a super lover and give his woman multiple pleasures every time.

And one final thought, girls, have you ever considered the notion that you can turn your man into a super lover, have multiple orgasms every time and STILL get to eat chocolate? What a great way to burn off those extra calories from all that lovely chocolate!!