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One view of Premature Ejaculation is that it’s a pre-programmed way for a male to respond after penetration.
From a biological point of view, the male only needs to get the female pregnant in order to ensure his genes are successful, so very brief sex where the man ejaculates almost straightaway is a logical to ensure survival of his genes.
While PE may have advantages as an evolutionary strategy, it is not desirable from either a man or a woman’s perspective in lovemaking.
Strategies to overcome Premature Ejaculation...
Strategy 1: Dr Helen Kaplan and PE
Dr Helen Kaplan established a clinic in New York and in the 19990s treated over 7,000 individuals with sexual problems. Her book on Premature Ejaculation is a classic, and she reports great success with her methods. At the core of this is the fact that 99.9% of PE is a result of a mans inability to detect sensory input; in other words the man cannot tell how excited he is and ejaculates before he realises how excited he is.
Dr Kaplan’s approach can be summarised as re-educating (almost re-programming) the man on how his body behaves. She trained the man and woman (and for the treatment to be successful a supportive partner is critical) to break off from lovemaking when the man becomes excited. At this point the woman would then squeeze the head of the penis.
This dulls the excitement slightly for the man and enables him to continue. Repeated treatment eventually results in the man being able to detect how excited he is and to change his sexual technique so he can continue.
Strategy 2: Penetrative Foreplay
A Man’s perspective
This is a new term. It’s been coined to represent a stage in between foreplay and traditional sex. In this stage the man penetrates the woman but stays relatively still, moving slowly from side to side or in and out. At the same time the man continues to caress and kiss the woman.
For the man, this lack of thrusting makes this stage seem like foreplay. There’s no heavy thrusting so he’s under stimulated rather than over stimulated. Because he’s under stimulated the man is less likely to come too quickly.
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A Woman’s perspective
She’s been penetrated, so she’s stimulated by that and the slow, sensual movement makes her more and more aroused. Coupled with kissing and caressing, she’ll feel “consumed” by the man.
For her, this is passionate lovemaking, while for the man it still seems like foreplay, hence the term penetrative foreplay. |
Strategy 3: The O Switch
The Orgasm Switch is a “mental trick” by the man. In the same way that we all have a switch that we use to control our desire to urinate, so a man can create an O Switch in his head to control his need to come. The more powerfully he can imagine an O Switch, even visualising a switch in his head when he closes his eyes, the more likely he is to create such a switch.
Once in place a man simply believes that he cannot come with his switch set to “On”. The man then chooses to turn his switch to “off” when he’s through with Penetrative Foreplay. He decides to relax and let nature takes its course. (The O Switch)
Men tend to have a further strategy which involves thinking about something other than sex (for example football) when they are very excited, as a way to continue lovemaking without ejaculating. Let’s call that the “football” strategy.
Strategy 4: The Football Strategy
When men are thrusting and realise they’re more excited than the woman, and are therefore about to come, they usually have two strategies: football or withdraw. Ok, not actual football, but basically the man thinks about something other than sex, for example football, to stop himself coming.
So one man may think of golf, another about his grandmother, yet another about some boring task such as painting the fence or mowing the lawn. The point is that the man chooses to think about something other than sex as a way of keeping his teetering excitement under control.
Strategy 5: Withdraw
The other alternative for the over stimulated man to avoid PE is to withdraw. It’s a most unsatisfactory way to stop ejaculating both for the man and the woman. Women typically enjoy repeated small movements that slowly build them to climax.
Breaking off, whereby the man suddenly withdraws, massively disrupts the woman’s enjoyment. Then, when he penetrates again, the man must keep himself in check while the woman seeks that slow rhythmic build up to orgasm. Thrusting is an Orgasmic Trigger but it's not the best approach for a man with PE. He'd be much better off doing the Freeze if he found himself getting over excited, and combining the Freeze with other Orgasmic Triggers to fire her orgasm. Withdrawing is a sign that thrusting as an approach to trigger her orgasm is simply not going to work.
Strategy 6: De-sensitising sprays
Sprays are available which desensitise the head of the penis. While this reduces the amount of stimulating messages transmitted to the brain, it also reduces the man's pleasure to a very large extent. He can certainly thrust now, but to what purpose if his pleasure is so reduced?
A man can mistakenly think that this continuous thrusting is turning the woman on and bringing her to orgasm. But continuous thrusting with nothing else going on is not the typical woman’s idea of pleasure. So while the spray may reduce the likelihood of PE it does not automatically lead to greater pleasure for either party.
We recommend these approaches:
- Dr Helens Kaplan’s approach featuring the “Squeeze”
- A more relaxed and gentle lovemaking style (Penetrative foreplay)
- Using the Freeze to stimulate an orgasm, not thrusting
- The Orgasm Switch (O Switch)
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