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Becoming a great lover, like becoming great at anything in life requires getting feedback, and there’s both verbal and non-verbal feedback. So much depends on context: moans, groans and screams are great feedback for a male lover, but terrible feedback for a male playwright in the theatre. An ability to read non-verbal signs is so important for a lover.
Signs of arousal in men
It’s not hard to see if a man’s aroused, mainly because it is hard……… if you see what we mean. But there are other signs of a man’s arousal both in the early stages.
Signs of arousal in women
Try thinking of arousal in four phases:
Phase 1: becoming aroused
In the first stages of non-sexual foreplay, a woman does give signs of arousal but they may be very subtle: she may notice and remove a small (often imaginary) piece of cotton from the guys’ jacket. She may lightly brush his shirt, or stand slightly too close.
She may look at him as though she finds what he’s saying intensely interesting. She may slightly argue and take issue with him on a subject. She may play with her hair, revealing part of her neck as she looks away and then back at him again. These are as much signs of sexual interest as sexual arousal, though where one stops and the other starts, who can say?
Phase 2: becoming excited
Flushed cheeks and full lips are classic signs of arousal. The more aroused a woman becomes, the more physical signs she’s display. Her pupils dilate making her look even more attractive to the man. Her cheeks, chest or neck may flush; her lips and cheeks may redden and her lips swell. These are all signals that men find attractive, hence the mimicry of make-up and lipstick.
The more excited she becomes the more she touches him, holds him or brushes against him. A woman may become very excited and aroused way before the couple hit the bedroom, so guys watch for the signs. The more aroused she is before you start lovemaking the better time she’ll have. The more aroused she is the more likely she will experience Multiple Orgasms.
Phase 3: at the orgasmic plateau
The orgasmic plateau is the stage a woman reaches just before she has an orgasm. She becomes more urgent in her movements, her arms and legs grip and slide over the man, almost like a snake gripping its prey. Her hands grip and hold, and her fingertips dig in rather than caress. If the man is still, or practices the “Freeze”, he’ll notice how she quivers with little hip movements that take her to the edge of orgasm.
Phase 4: orgasm
Most people are familiar with the “fake orgasm” scene in the film “When Sally met Harry”. Many men might argue that they’d know if a woman faked it, but would they? The classic signs of the female orgasm are cries and gasps (sometimes screams, literally) and locking her legs and arms tightly around the man.
If a man practices the “Freeze”, when she has her orgasm, he’ll be able to pick up all the signs, as he’ll be still and focusing on her. As a man becomes aware of the signs she’s having an orgasm, he’ll be able to practice using different Orgasmic Triggers to see which ones have the greatest effect.
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